All ages, from little tikes and secondary school teens who are involved in athletics, are having to deal with their fears of failure.
Just recently I had a conversation with a young man about working on his basketball skills, especially shooting. This is something that I have known for years, as a basketball coach, that there is a silent majority of young people, who are hesitant of coming out of their comfort zone. Or, as coaches would say: "You need to work at your game," and that means change; but more than anything, it means that they are setting themselves up for some failure, but as a learning tool.
The message that is a necessary tidbit that all kids must become aware of: Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. The other concept of learning from failure is that there has to be an understanding that change is the secret ingredient of this learning. I don't like to use the word failure, but it just hits home for the many young athletes who fear that they cannot perform to their own expectations, or in other words, are afraid to fail.
When you haven't been taught the proper mechanics of some specific fundamentals, like throwing a baseball or softball, or using the correct shooting form in basketball, or dribbling a soccer ball, and you have been doing things in your own way, it makes it hard to break old habits. Change is a necessity, and the difficult aspect is, that it has to be accepted in order to develop the proper techniques and fundamentals. In reality, an athlete needs to accept the need to push out of their comfort zone. To do that, it means there needs to be an understanding that part of the learning curve is accepting the struggle along the way.
One needs to accept that you learn from personal mistakes. The down side might come from the adults in the lives of these growing athletes who do not adhere to that philosophy. I never took a player out of a game right after he or she made a mistake. When I'd go to a game, or watch one on TV and see a coach immediately take a player out because of a turnover, I would cringe and find that upsetting. I've seen coaches scream and yell to express their frustration and discontentment with an athlete, only to embarrass the player to the point of tears. So proven, part of the problem with the athlete's fear of failure comes from some of the adults in their lives.
When both parties are involved, the adults and the young athletes can accept the fact that mistakes are part of the learning of the game and imperfection is the nature of all sports, then they need to learn to forgive. This only can be done when you, the athlete, the parent and the coach, learn to readjust the relationship with the making of miscues. All parties need to align with the concept that being a perfectionist means they must not beat themselves up mercilessly because of a screw up.
It just important to accept and realize that mistakes or failures aren't the problem; it's how you react to and handle them. Expecting perfection comes with self-admonishment and it creates the problem of not being open to the change that leads to the next step for learning the proper techniques. This can produce unhappiness, and if an athlete isn't enjoying the sport, then comes the sabotage of not being able to have fun in the learning of the necessities that the particular sport requires.
In my career as a coach, and teacher, it's more than about basketball. I have evolved more as a person by understanding others. I still hear, "I can't do this," and my message has been: "Don't tell yourself that you can't, your body might hear you." My mantra has more and more become the development of self-confidence. Getting young athletes and students to believe in themselves is probably one of the most difficult tasks, as a coach and teacher that I have had in my career.
I guess I can say I feel that the point of focus that all young athletes, from bottom to top, including college players, is stay away from the future of your game and zero in on the now, the present. Never be discouraged because of what you want, but be driven to practice for perfection. The necessity to learn from stumbling blocks is the tool for your development. I have had those who gave up on themselves, despite my effort to change their self-appreciation of their potential. I can talk for hours about those who persevered and who were determined to learn from their failures and weaknesses as a means to develop the game they loved.
My message to kids is simple: If you have a passion to be the athlete of your dreams, in the sport you love, use your daily routine of the present to strive for the perfection you seek.
A cliché that I love and truly understand is: "Perfect practice makes perfect." But remember, with the focus to strive for perfection there will come some stumbling blocks, and the irony is that without the occasional tripping over your feet, you can never get to where you want to go.
Accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes.
And believe me when I say that perfection can never be achieved, but it's the ultimate goal.
