I’m not the coolest summer mom — it’s hard for me to bring everyone places and do things too frequently — but for the past few summers I’ve felt like I’ve done a decent job. Swimming is the biggest thing we look forward to in the summer, and I’ve been pleased to be able to do that with my boys at least once or twice a week plus weekends all summer, whether at the lake or a pool (not counting vacations we take when Dad’s home).
This summer was not that summer, though. This hugely pregnant mama spent as much time as possible with her feet up, and as a result we did vastly less traveling and swimming than I’ve tried to do with the boys in recent summers. July was okay — my husband took vacation from work and I was still fairly mobile — but August found us staying mostly inside with the window a/c units and the ceiling fans on full blast, all pointed at me. You can be sure I spent a fair amount of time trying not to think how fleeting these summers are, and how when this baby is the age that my current youngest is (who still feels like a baby to me), my oldest will be off to college. What I needed this summer was to focus on me and the baby, not beat myself up over all I’d like to be doing and can’t, and I needed my kids to help me with that.
But you know what? My boys survived, and really stepped up. I’ve been marveling over how impressed I am with them, truly.
For example, I have had appointments four mornings a week since I hit 32 weeks pregnant at the beginning of August—twice a week non-stress tests and ultrasounds at the ob/gyn, and twice a week pregnancy fitness sessions to make sure this 40-year-old grand multipara is as healthy as possible for labor, delivery, and care of a newborn, never mind care of myself and the rest of my family (check out Her Strength Studio in Latham if you’re interested! I highly recommend!). Four times a week, during summer mornings when the boys would surely prefer to be doing something fun, they were either with my mom (thank you Mom!) or with me in a need-to-behave situation, and by the time we got home all I had the energy for was laying down.
Not only did I not feel up to arranging and managing fun things for them, but so many of the things I’ve always done for them seemed impossibly difficult to me. As a result, big boys helped little boys with meals, snacks, and drinks all day, every day. Little boys figured out how to get their own clothes and get themselves showered and dried off. I didn’t realize how many of them could clip their own nails and bring their own selves up to bed.
Not only did they take care of themselves and each other, but they took care of me! I had sons bringing me water, tea, and snacks whenever I asked for them; they turned fans and air conditioners on and off as I asked; any time I dropped something or needed something from the floor and was impeded by my enormous belly and would yell, “I need help!” someone (or more) would come rushing to help; and mostly, they were patient with me. What a gift, to have someone be patient with you when you don’t feel well and are discouraged by feeling like a burden!
Honestly, their patience was such a gift. They did grumble from time to time, and I did have to remind them from time to time that they were helping me take care of the baby and myself by doing all these things, but mostly they were great.
I’m writing this at the end of the first week of school, when I have an even greater regard for my little men, because the last couple days without them home have been hard! It’s been just me and the four-year-old, and while I thought that might afford me some quiet days before the baby comes, I realized how very spoiled I’ve been this summer now that almost all of my helpers are gone. Even just clambering into the van to unbuckle my little guy—something I haven’t had to do all summer—is making me realize what a big help my boys were. I’ve been eager to have them home after school each day so I can rest without worrying about things needing to be done!
My mom used to say that “kids need to learn when Mom has a headache,” which I’ve always taken to mean that it’s good for kids to realize that moms are human too, and don’t always feel well, and aren’t always able to be everything. My boys definitely got a good lesson in that this summer! Fortunately, they don’t seem to be the worse for wear—their excitement over the baby coming and their gratitude toward me for going through all this so they can have another sibling is the overriding sentiment I’ve been picking up from them. And in the meantime, they’ve gotten concentrated exposure to the realities of being in a family and caring for each other, in good times and bad, as well as (hopefully) a respect for mothers and women in general and a softness toward those who are vulnerable. In some ways, I’m so grateful for this difficult summer!
I’ll be able to share the good news of our baby’s arrival with you all next month! I hope the new school year started well for all of you!
Kate and her husband have six sons ages 13, 12, 10, 8, 6, and 4; they’re expecting their seventh baby any day. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
