WHEN I WAS in Brownies as a young girl, we would sing a song at our meetings called Make New Friends. The first line was always something I remembered, “Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.” Sometimes friendships can start to rust and it’s hard to know how to let go of someone that has been in your life for many years or even just a season. You may be hesitant to exit the friendship due to guilt or fear of the consequences in your friend group.
Here are a few common characteristics of a person who may be starting to rust in your friendship.
THE ONE UPPER/OVER TALKER:
You have just been promoted and are so excited to share this news with your friend. They immediately start talking about something wonderful that happened to them and do not take the time to hear more about your good fortune.
This is a sign of insecurity and selfishness. The true mark of someone’s character can be found in how they handle someone else’s success. A good friend will stand in joy with you and celebrate your good fortune. If someone can’t stand with you for positive life-changing events, it’s time to let them go.
THE ONE WAY STREET:
You reach out to this person to call, touch base, make plans, check in and they consistently flake out on getting back to you. When they do get in touch with you they make excuses as to why they are so busy and make a plan to get together but cancel at the last minute.
Someone who does not value your time or make an effort in the friendship is not worth putting energy into. Your time is valuable and a privilege; don’t make time for people that don’t have time for you. Respect yourself enough to see that this friend is not adding any value to your life and only leaves you feeling frustrated and upset. Find a two-way street friendship and refuse to go down any more one-way streets!
THE DRAMA QUEEN:
This is the friend that is sometimes fun to be around but spreads gossip like poison. You always feel leaving slightly uncomfortable about the conversation or their slander against others. Just because you don’t participate in the character assignation of another doesn’t mean you are not a part of it. Don’t be lazy about hanging out with people that don’t have positive words to say about others. Walk away from someone whose hobby is to tear others down with unkind words.
If you do feel it’s time to let go of a friendship with someone like the above mentioned it’s best NOT to send a memo letting them know all of the ways they are toxic. Rather, phase out slowly and minimize time together. A person with the above mentioned characteristics is likely unable to have a meaningful insightful discussion that will bring about a healthy change in the dynamic of the friendship.
Simply recognize this is a friendship that is not silver or gold in your life and be willing to respect yourself enough to limit time and contact with this person.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. For more information email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
