Because of much illness in the house, I’m running this piece that previously appeared in the March 9, 2012 issue of Families Today. I’m amazed at how relevant it still is!
One of my biggest nightmares is not getting enough sleep.
I’m not kidding — I’ve always been one of those people who can take a four-hour midday nap and still fall asleep at my regular bedtime and sleep soundly all night. The possibility of not being able to sleep when I feel I need to has always made me feel like panicking, like I can’t breathe.
“Then why on earth do you have so many children?” you might ask, and I’ll tell you: it’s definitely NOT because of the sleepless nights and full mind-and-body exhaustion that increases the younger your children are.
And when the kids are sick? Oh my goodness. Not only does my nightmare of little-to-no sleep become a reality, but it’s amplified to nearly unendurable proportions by beds that need to be stripped of pukey sheets or breathing treatments via nebulizer or loud crying children that threaten to wake up all the others, all in the dark hours of the night, when even the relief of sunrise is tempered by the sure knowledge of a long, tired, cranky day ahead. (Though a full pot of freshly brewed coffee first thing in the morning perks me up like nothing else.)
I’ve had many such nights since becoming a mom, but none so numerous and concentrated in such a short time span and involving so many people — adults and children both — as the two weeks we’ve just emerged from. During that time I made four separate trips to the pediatrician, with different combinations of kids each time, resulting in one diagnosis of pneumonia, one diagnosis of strep throat, one ear infection, and a case of bronchiolitis that landed the baby in the hospital overnight. There were also thirteen cumulative missed days of school between our three school-goers, and so many different medications that I assigned a plate to each child, which I kept by the kitchen sink, with the necessary droppers or medicine cups and dosing directions on each one.
I was already feeling stretched to the limit and exhausted in that way that only lack of sleep coupled with worry can cause, when we were delivered what felt like the death blow: a horrendous stomach bug that raced through every single member of our family all at the same time, the effects of which we’re still feeling even now as I write, a week and a day after it first appeared at our door. (Or more correctly, on our kitchen floor, as that’s where the two-year-old was when he, the first of the pukers, threw up for the first time.)
Now that we’re all on the mend, and our recent warmish weather (despite the snow) has allowed me to have the windows open often, and I’ve caught up on sleep a bit, I’m clear-headed and back to my generally cheerful self enough to see silver linings and blessings in disguise when it comes to being a mom of sick little ones. I made this list, for the next time we’re all so miserable, to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world:
• I am often my best self when the kids are sick. Five years ago, when my oldest was two and my second was eight months old and they were both sick, I wrote in a journal entry, “When they’re sick, I stop everything else and focus completely on them. I hug them and hold them. I respond immediately to every whimper and request. I finally feel like I am mothering them the way I should.” I remember being struck by and grateful for the way I’m forced to focus on the kids when they’re sick, when all of the “me” things have to be put aside. It’s nice to feel like I’m doing something right, like I’m the person I’m always striving (and often failing) to be.
• I’ll have another chance to do it better. Despite the previous bullet point, I’m not always my best self when the kids are sick, and my failure rate increases the more children that are sick, and/or the longer the sickness goes on, and/or if I am also sick, and/or the more tired I am. That’s a lot of “and/or” scenarios! And given that my most sincere objective in life is to be the best, most loving person I can be to those in my care, to those I love, such frequent failure tends to get me down. So I always resolve to do it better next time — and when it comes to small children being sick, there will always be a next time.
• I can get by on a lot less sleep than I think. This one took a long time for me to realize, but it’s so true. Interrupted nights and napless days, even several in succession, do not actually cause this mother to pffth into dust and blow away. Too many without any relief or hope can definitely poke holes in my sanity, but generally, for me, a shower, a cup of coffee, some fresh air, and adult company (even just saying hello to the other parents at school pickup, or being out and about at the grocery store, or a good chat with my mom, or dinner alone with my husband after the kids are bed) can make otherwise really difficult, tired days bearable.
But then, perhaps you’re not at all interested in whether or not personal growth happens when you and your family are tired, and sick, and miserable? Perhaps you’re totally rolling your eyes or gagging at my thoughts from the bright side? Fair enough, my Pollyanna points would not have been welcome at my sickbed either. My final ray of hope, then, when all else fails, is to trust that “this too shall pass.” That journal entry I mentioned above, written five years ago, also revealed that my oldest had been diagnosed with pneumonia two days earlier — something I’d completely forgotten, even with his recent diagnosis of pneumonia. I had no memory of it until reading that, and yet, I’m sure that when I wrote it, I felt shadowed by the cloud of “Will this never end?” But it did. It ended, it passed, it was even forgotten. Hope springs eternal, and I’m hoping spring is sunny and sick-free, for us and for all of you.
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 19, 17, 15, 14, 12, 9, and 5. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
