One thing that I’ve really come to appreciate more and more as my boys get bigger is how well those who work in pediatrics tend to be with their patients and their patients’ mothers (at least, this mother). The medical professionals who have cared for my kids over the years have been great at keeping me looped in, asking my thoughts, and respecting my experience, while also letting me know where I haven’t had the right perspective, needed to learn more, or just needed to calm down. This is a fine line to walk for medical professionals, in my opinion — how to be respectful of the rights and responsibilities of parents while also relying on one’s own medical education, training, and experience to properly treat little ones (and not-so-little ones, as in the case of my big boys).
My gratitude for good pediatric medical professionals has been on my mind lately because one of my big boys was treated recently by those who don’t specialize in pediatrics, and while they did a fine technical job — for which I’m extremely grateful — my dealings with them emphasized what a gift those with a pediatric focus are for kids and their anxious mothers. These are some of the things that I find so comforting as a mom that those in pediatrics do really well:
Listen to me
I realize the child is the patient, and the older the child, the more he or she can speak for himself or herself. But also, I remember things the kids don’t; I understand things the kids don’t; I spend a whole lot more time watching my kids than my kids spend watching themselves. Their story is not my story, but I’m a fairly omniscient narrator, especially with the very little ones. Doctors who take seriously my perspective, theories, thoughts, and concerns (or who make it look like they do!) make me feel like they’re taking my child’s health seriously. They also make me more likely to trust their advice.
Explain things
I love that our pediatrician explains what he’s going to do before he does it and continues the explanation as he’s doing it. He talks to my sons, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear, which covers all the bases — things like, “Okay, I’m going to push hard on your belly now — it’s not going to tickle!” Additionally, the doctors and nurses are always really careful to fully explain next steps in the case of an ongoing medical issue (from a round of antibiotics to more involved treatments): how long, what to expect, what to do if something unexpected happens, and always a reminder that it’s perfectly fine to call the office with any questions or concerns at any time. (I have taken full advantage of that through the years!)
Keep things kid-friendly
On the one hand, it’s maybe a little unfair to expect those who work with children to always be good at being kid-friendly — I’ve always thought it’s a gift to be able to do so, and not a gift that I feel like I have, so I can appreciate that this could be a challenge for certain personalities that are otherwise really skilled at what they do. But our pediatric caregivers really try hard to ask my boys how life is going, engage in funny chitchat, and some are even really good at being a little goofy, all of which go a long way toward making kids and their moms feel comfortable. One of the doctors at our pediatrician’s office tells my boys to be sure not to take the princess stickers, since those are for him — my boys crack up every single time he says it.
The boy I mentioned earlier broke his leg at the end of the summer and had to have surgery, and was put in a long cast for six weeks, which made self-care and mobility incredibly difficult for him and provided new challenges for my husband and I as his caretakers, for my parents, who were a huge help, and for our whole household. The surgical team did a fantastic job of fixing his leg, but it wasn’t a pediatric team, and while I saw several attempts at efforts to have a good bedside manner, I often felt worried, out of the loop, and confused about several parts of his care plan. I felt like I needed to speak up more as his advocate, because they weren’t considering things from a kid’s perspective and my son didn’t know how to speak up for himself or what to say, but also that my voice wasn’t as important to them as it always has been to our pediatrician. There were even some moments that I found to be really scary, but the need to reassure me and my son in the ways I’ve become accustomed to at the pediatrician’s office didn’t seem to be high on anyone’s list.
I suppose I’ll always feel like my kids’ doctors should be asking my thoughts, taking seriously my concerns, and making it look like the things I’m saying are helpful and relevant, even when my boys are well into adulthood. A mother is a mother forever, after all! And I certainly want good care for them at all ages, whether or not that comes with a skilled bedside manner. I’m just so grateful for those who are really good at being the kind of medical caregivers that this mama wants for her children, and that I feel like I need in order to best take care of them. (We are happy patients of Community Care Pediatrics!)
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, 9, and 5. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
