I have never minded that my kids might sometimes think of me as a Mean Mom. While my husband and I are certainly a team in bringing up our kids and making decisions for our family, my husband is generally considered to be the Fun Parent, full of energy and always eager to play with the kids, while I’m pretty comfortable with the fact that nurturing, scheduling, and disciplining are some of my strengths. Sticking to bedtimes, requiring vegetable-eating, and turning off the TV are things I’m really good at, much to my boys’ chagrin. 

There have been a few times, however, where I make a decision that I think is good and necessary but also is likely to be particularly hard for the kids, and I brace myself for the howls of despair… only to discover that they like my hard decision more than the alternative.

Here’s one example: A few years ago I decided to plan for three meatless dinners per week, and in trying to come up with ideas I decided we’d have a Cereal Night every week. On one such day, one of the boys asked me what was for dinner, and when I said “cereal,” he surprised me by responding, “Yes! I love cereal night!” I was so surprised!

Another example: None of the boys has his own room, which they occasionally grouse about (brothers are always getting into each other’s things and they don’t have any privacy and their roommate makes too much noise at night or keeps the light on too late when the other is trying to fall asleep—I’ve heard all the reasons why sharing rooms is a terrible thing). But I’d once considered moving one of my boys out of the room he shared with his brother and when he caught wind of it, he begged me to reconsider, citing how much he loved chatting with his brother while they fall asleep at night. And another of the boys was recently reminiscing fondly about when the four older boys all shared a room, and how great those days were.

The most recent example: Though each of the boys chooses his own Lenten sacrifice (usually giving up dessert or similar), I’ve chosen the additional sacrifice for us as a family for the last few years of “no video games on Fridays during Lent.” This is difficult for my husband and I, since the boys behave pretty well during video game time, and it’s difficult for the boys, since they love playing and plan all week for their turns (we only let them play video games on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and only one hour each per day). In fact, taking away one of their three allotted days seemed so penitential that I felt I had to replace it with something that was less fun but still fun, since so many of them are all still so young, so I replaced it with Family Movie Night. This is the third year we’ve done movie nights instead of video games on Fridays during Lent, and apparently it’s not quite as much of a sacrifice as I thought—“Movie nights are even more fun than playing video games!” one of them said to me the other day. I’m shocked!

Is this phenomenon an offshoot of the idea that kids crave boundaries and thrive under them? An example of how resilient kids are? Evidence that their wants and needs are simpler than parents sometimes think? Or maybe I’m just not as much of a Mean Mom as I thought I was!

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 14, 12, 10, 9, 7, 5, and 7 months. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..